I'm a Mess

Yes that's right. I'm a mess. Pfft! And the corny thing is that you wouldn't even know it. I'm a mess inside. Ew! How cheesy can I get?!

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The thing is, I got a job offer a week after I found out I was losing my current job. I should be ecstatic right? Wrong! I mean it's great and a once in a lifetime thing and here I am fretting over the small stuff. What the fuck right?! Tsk. The thing is, we all know it's the small stuff that counts. It's what matters.

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Now that day is fast approaching. I have to leave in exactly 12 days unless I find a way to postpone it. But that's it. I HAVE to leave sooner or later. No ifs and no buts. I know, I know. I'm a big believer in the fact that we always have a choice. It's just that we don't always like the alternative. I finally bit the bullet and sent in that email accepting that assignment. It will upset a lot of people, my family mostly. But the alternative? I don't think I could handle giving up my independence. I've been alone too long.

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I'm leaving...Will you miss me? Will you even think of me? I shouldn't have gotten too comfortable in my comfort zone huh? I've always known that nothing lasts forever but it still doesn't take away the sting when it things actually turn into a reality. I never thought that I would feel this way but I will miss you so much. A part of me wants to keep holding on but deep down I know, that if I don't learn to let go, that will be my downfall, that will break me. God, what did I get myself into? I've always had a plan and I'm sticking to it. But at what cost? I just hope that at the end of our road we will come out of this ok. A few scratches here and there. But ok. Maybe even happier.

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You know what scares me at this moment? It's that you will forget me. That you will move on and handle things much better than I do. And right now, I pray to God that he gives me the strength to handle whatever comes my way.