I've wondered all my life about what has happened to him? To the man I called 'dad'..Most of the time I've resigned myself to the fact that I will never find out. But a part of me, just a small part, is still hoping that maybe one day I will get the answers I am looking for.
It's weird. I feel that I need to know, the need to find him. It's probably because there's no closure. Funny coz at times whenI try to analyze myself (which I admit is quite often) I know that all my issues is somehow connected to him. The feelings of inadequacy, distrust, suspicion, abandonment and all the toppings that go with it can be directly connected to my relationship (or lack thereof) with him.
The only good thing about this whole thing is I get to push things out of my mind. It's not that hard to pretend. Pretend that everything's ok? Fine. I can pretend when I really have to. Except for moments like these. For some weird twist of fate, it turns out that (get this!) the boyfriend of the half-sister of my half-brother has the same name as him. I can even see some similarities ( or it's probably my over-active imagination). Are they related? I don't know. And I don't think I'll ever have the courage to find out. Still...the wheels of my mind are turning, again. And, as I said, it could simply be a coincidence and it probably is. It's just that a small part of me is hoping that it's not a coincidence. Maybe..just maybe, if it's not then I can finally have the closure that's been long overdue.
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