"No one would love me if they knew, all the things I hide..."

Bothered..

I always knew that I would be back someday. I knew that I couldn’t really stay away. Ever since I was little I always had to find a way to express what I felt inside or shall I say vent. Yes, I’m the rant and rave type of person but that’s beside the point really. Usually when I feel sad or lost I write. Not exactly a good thin is it? I’m not even good at it. Occasionally even I get tired of hearing or in this case reading about myself whining at every little injustice that the world has dealt me.

So why am I back? I guess I’ve already established that I’m lost. Again. Shit. What a fuck-up! I know, I know. I keep telling myself that I’m going to have to grow up someday and I swear, I keep waiting for it to happen. Someone once said to me, right after he asked me my age (which I’m not going to share with the blogging world), that I was barely out of nappies. I replied by saying that sometimes I feel like I’m still wearing them. And at that moment I swear I meant every word. Life’s just too fucked up you know. You always keep wanting more, never content on what you have. Yes they say that you should strive for the best. But when does it ever stop? When will this hypocrisy end? And when, for chrissake, will I ever learn my lesson?!

So here I am again. Alone. Lost. And wandering aimlessly in this farce called life. It’s just so damn ironic how some people would work their whole lives hoping to achieve what comes naturally to me everyday. The places I’ve been to, the things I’ve seen, the people I’ve met, it’s nothing short of amazing. And yet, I want more. And I’m not sure if I’m in the right state of mind, body and soul to want more. Sigh…