The American Dream

A few days ago, I purchased a local sim card for my phone. Turned out that the guy selling phone accessories was Filipino as well. We talked for a bit while he was trying to sell me on the advantages of getting the stupid sim card from him. I told him I was just visiting then he asked me why not just stay. Here in America. As in TNT and hide from Immigration and hope for the best.

It took me two seconds to think about it and yet it was like so much went through my mind. The first thing I thought was "why should I?". Not that I'm a snob or anything but I never really got that urge to escape to America. I mean, I have a good job, I'm independent and well, I just don't want too. But while people around me thought that going to the states was the answer to their problems, and I admit that for awhile I thought that too. I don't think I ever believed it but I remember thinking it but I never acted on it no matter how many chances I had.

The thing is, I'm at a point in my life where I'm trying to figure out where I want to settle down. I work in Papua New Guinea, I go home to the Philippines every 8 weeks and I'm now in LA. I just feel that something's gotta give. I can't go on like this right? I gotta put down some roots right? Otherwise, I just may end up alone and not have a place to call home. I guess that's what this really is about, home. I'm trying to figure out where I should spend the prime of my life. I'm thinking that I should pick a country and just pop up. What do you think? I'm thinking France...or maybe New Zealand? or Perth! I don't know..I have to give it some serious thought. The Japanese girl that I currently share an apartment with just popped up here in LA. Of course she speaks english but the point is, if she can do it surely so can I right? Right. Now if only I know what I want.

Gawd, She's Hot!

Santa Monica

Someday I'm going to buy myself a house by the beach. I'm also going to have a yellow labrador and I'm going to call him George. So there.

Want Some Cheese?

I just noticed that I seem to whine a lot in my blog. Don't worry I'm not really like that in person. Really. I hate whiny people. But when it gets tough you gotta have a way to vent right? So a whining blog it is. Hah!

Anyway, I'm still freezing. I'm still procrastinating and not doing any work. And I'm hating on whiny people right now. I mean, so you didn't get things your way! Boo-the fuck-hoo! Get over it! That's life man! Sometimes it's just the way it is.

Wait a minute. I'm talking about someone else, not me. Although I'm one to talk! Sheesh! Talk about the pot and the kettle.

Whatever. Just stop whining and get out of my face!

The City of Angels

Spending the holidays in Los Angeles turned out to be alright for me. I came here expecting the worse with my mom being sick and not having any other relatives in this part of the United States, I thought it would be extremely stressful for me. But thankfully, my mother's recovering and I'm getting some time off walking the streets of downtown Los Angeles. (not to mention all the shopping! shhh!)

The only drawback really is the weather. It's 5 C out there and as much as I like the cold, I have a feeling I'm getting too old for it. I'm just sooo dry! And I've never really been that type of girl that slops on all kinds of greasy lotions. Albeit I think it's safe to say that I AM that type of girl that likes buying all those things especially with Victoria's Secret and Bath & Body Works just around the corner! (Gawd just thinking about it gets me all giddy!) But so anyway, yeah, I'm dry. My skin is just so flaky and dry, not that it's something I should be proud of but I have no idea how people function in the cold. Some days I really just want to hide under the comforter and stay in bed all day. But then, where's the adventure in that?! So, despite the cold and dryness, I always try to find the courage to go out in the cold and explore. So far, I can say that I'm liking LA. People are really friendly over here. And with the help of the internet, getting around is pretty easy. I've almost gotten used to waking up to someone honking their horn to the tune of "La Cucaracha" and being called purr-ty once in a while. Also, sharing an apartment with 2 Japanese yuppies is pretty cool given the fact that I just lo-ove Japanese food. Not that there's a connection really, but if I love the food then the people should be just as nice. :-)

Flying Home

You know all that crap about home being where the heart is? Well, what if you don't know where your heart's at? What if you go through your days acting like a nomad and living out of a suitcase? That's exactly how I've been feeling for the past year. Don't get me wrong, I love to travel. The excitement of packing and flying off to a new destination and everything that comes with it. I even like the fact that there's nothing holding me back (relationship-wise at least). But when the time comes for me to go home, I pause and think to myself "where exactly is that?". In my weak moments, it makes me sad to be so unsure, to feel as if I don't really belong anywhere... During those times I tell myself that someday, someday I'll find that place and maybe find that person. In the meantime, I'm trying my best not to hold my breath!

So what brought about this contemplative mood again? Well, I'm supposed to fly home this weekend for my (working) Christmas break. And again I get that feeling of not really belonging. I only call it home because of my nationality, but aside from that nothing really holds me to that place. Of course I visit a few relatives almost out of obligation, but aside from that really there's nothing else. So again I ask myself when will I ever be just content with what I have? What's missing? What's so wrong with the way things are? When will I ever find the bloody answers?!