I'm Leaving on a Jet Plane

Yes. The time has finally come. In exactly ten days from now I'm taking off to a new country and a new job. Well, it's nothing really glamorous but the pay is good.

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There's just so much to think about. I haven't even started packing! I'm giving up my apartment so you can just imagine the amount of packing that needs to get done. It's quite alright though since when I have nothing to do I just imagine how and where to put my things. Now if I could just get off my ass and actually do it that would be great!

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The thing that's bothering me the most I guess is that I literally don't know when I'll be back again. So I start out with a 5 month consultancy contract then I decide what to do with my life then. But if I were brutally honest with myself, I'm hesitating because of a certain person. Aww, shit! What to do? What to do? Nothing is forever I know but here I am dragging my feet when I knew from the start that this is just going nowhere...

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Anyway, yes! I'm going to a place that's known to have cannibals. And since I consider myself on the yummy side I just might be in over my head. Goodluck to me! Who would've known that a country with cannibals would hire me as a consultant huh? But it's a step-up for my career really. And if they decide that they don't like my work then it's really no big loss unless they decide to eat me. Hahaha! Seriously though, I don't think I'm actually going to encounter cannibals but as I say, never get yourself in situations you can't get out of. (Yes people! That includes relationships!)

I'm a Mess

Yes that's right. I'm a mess. Pfft! And the corny thing is that you wouldn't even know it. I'm a mess inside. Ew! How cheesy can I get?!

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The thing is, I got a job offer a week after I found out I was losing my current job. I should be ecstatic right? Wrong! I mean it's great and a once in a lifetime thing and here I am fretting over the small stuff. What the fuck right?! Tsk. The thing is, we all know it's the small stuff that counts. It's what matters.

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Now that day is fast approaching. I have to leave in exactly 12 days unless I find a way to postpone it. But that's it. I HAVE to leave sooner or later. No ifs and no buts. I know, I know. I'm a big believer in the fact that we always have a choice. It's just that we don't always like the alternative. I finally bit the bullet and sent in that email accepting that assignment. It will upset a lot of people, my family mostly. But the alternative? I don't think I could handle giving up my independence. I've been alone too long.

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I'm leaving...Will you miss me? Will you even think of me? I shouldn't have gotten too comfortable in my comfort zone huh? I've always known that nothing lasts forever but it still doesn't take away the sting when it things actually turn into a reality. I never thought that I would feel this way but I will miss you so much. A part of me wants to keep holding on but deep down I know, that if I don't learn to let go, that will be my downfall, that will break me. God, what did I get myself into? I've always had a plan and I'm sticking to it. But at what cost? I just hope that at the end of our road we will come out of this ok. A few scratches here and there. But ok. Maybe even happier.

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You know what scares me at this moment? It's that you will forget me. That you will move on and handle things much better than I do. And right now, I pray to God that he gives me the strength to handle whatever comes my way.

Haywire

Someone once said that if you wanted to make God laugh then you should tell him your plans.

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Well, he must be rolling on the floor right now then!

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I mean shit man! Things are just getting complicated by the minute it's so stupid. You would think that I was some green kid fresh out of school instead of an adult completely capable of taking care of herself.

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God I'm so confused with what to do with my life! Exactly three weeks from now, I will be out of a job. And here I am still fretting over what to do. The thing that sucks is that whatever I do, it will affect a lot of people. Well, at least people I care about. Oh well...

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Anyway, I just saw the movie Transformers. I've seen it twice actually. I actually liked it. At first I wasn't going to go but after the being nagged to death by my brother I decided to give in and I haven't regretted my decision yet. Except when my brother keeps repeating to him and everyone else "I'm Optimus Prime. 18 wheeler!" over and over again. Only then do I fight with the temptation to throw my shoe at him!!