Forever

I always said that forever is just a word..that I don't believe in forever and yet I want one. I say that I don't believe in happily ever after and yet I want one. I secretly hoped and thought that each one of us have their love story, the kind that you see in the movies or read in novels. I figured that we just had to wait it out and sooner or later it will come. All I know is that we all deserve that kind of love, the forever kind...and that we should never settle.

Meet the Fockers

Last night he asked me if I ever thought of why I loved him. I never really did, I try to though. Whenever I try to explain to my friends and colleagues the connection that we have, I sometimes find myself thinking that the words I choose aren't enough. You try to put into words the physical, emotional and spiritual connection you have together and yet the words are not enough.

This Friday he will formally introduce me to his family. As he is expected to make a short speech, this task has made him wonder how one can measure how much you love a person. I used to think this too, but since I usually laugh at sap and sentimentality, I never really voiced it out loud. In front of all the people, his father and my people, he will declare his love and respect for me. As I was worrying about the pressure this will have on him, I was surprised that he simply smiled and said he would do anything for me. Facing a crowd is nothing, he is simply worried that the words may not be enough to express how deeply he feels about me. I really didn't know what to say to that or how to feel. I guess it emphasized the fact that I had to be true to my feelings. Honesty, he says, honesty, trust and communication is what will help us make this relationship work. And as I know that I have major issues in both trust and communication, I know that he will hold my hand and stand by me as we go through the trials life will throw at us.

Astro Compatibility

When Taurus and Aquarius come together in a love match, they can move mountains -- if they can figure out how to coordinate their efforts. Taurus's practical, down-to-earth approach to life is about as opposite as can be to Aquarius's unconventional, out-of-this-world approach to just about everything! Taurus resists change and Aquarius is the most progressive of all 12 Signs of the Zodiac. How do these two get along, then? They may appear to have few common interests, but they share a very strong desire to succeed -- which means they may make better business partners than lovers.

Since these two can both be extremely opinionated, they must take care not to get into arguments, especially because of their dissimilar reactions to tension: When Taurus gets angry they tend to charge like the Bulls that they are; when Aquarius feels pressure, they tend to pull away, using an aloof demeanor to put space between themselves and their "tormentor." This can make Taurus push even harder, causing Aquarius to pull further away … and so on. They like to do things their way with as little fuss as possible. Modern, progressive Aquarius may find Taurus's dedication to routine a bit boring. Taurus will find Aquarius exciting yet may feel frustrated trying to keep up with this inventor's quick mind. Despite their differences, however, they do have something to offer one another. Though Aquarius will have a hard time admitting it (even to themselves), they'll find Taurus's solid base to be comfortingly supportive, and Taurus will find Aquarius stimulating, if not altogether comfortable.

Taurus is ruled by Venus (Love) and Aquarius is ruled by Saturn (Karma) and Uranus (Rebellion). Venus is a warm, feminine energy and Saturn a cold masculine energy. Uranus is about all things strange and unusual. Venus focuses on beauty, romance and sensual pleasures, all of which are important and pleasing to Taurus. Saturn causes Aquarius to focus on hard work and discipline to achieve goals; Uranus lends an Aquarius that revolutionary thinking. Taurus can show Aquarius that life is based on emotions and improved by beauty and comfort. Aquarius can show Taurus how to keep striving for betterment -- and how to move away from something if it isn't working, an important lesson for Taurus to learn.

Taurus is an Earth Sign and Aquarius is an Air Sign. Aquarius focuses on intellectual connections and pursuits while Taurus focuses on more practical and sensual interests. Where Taurus asks, "How will this help me achieve my goals in life?" Aquarius asks, "What else?" These two can have trouble understanding one another; if Taurus clings too closely or if Aquarius seems too cold and aloof, trouble can erupt. If they operate from a base of mutual love and respect, however, these two can grow to understand how one another works.

Taurus and Aquarius are both Fixed Signs. They're both stubborn and, once they make up their minds, don't like to change their viewpoint or opinion. This steadfastness extends to their personal life: Once they're committed to one another, almost nothing can make them decide to abandon the relationship. If the relationship is smooth and mutually beneficial, this is a good thing, but if the relationship is inhibitive for either or both partners, their refusal to admit it should end can seriously hamper both of their growth in life. If they realize that working together is more yielding than butting heads, they will remain productive. Since Taurus tends to be more practical, they might be the first to back down in an argument -- if they deem it practical to do so.

What's the best aspect of the Taurus-Aquarius relationship? Their unstoppable team power that is possible once they clear their path of obstacles. Both Signs have very powerful personalities, so neither will dominate the other -- no matter how hard they try! This relationship can be truly exciting and satisfying once these two Signs work out how it'll work between them.

At Present..

As much as I want to keep track of all that is happening to me and all that I'm feeling, I just can't. It's all so overwhelming. So much to think about, so much to feel and so much to say. Sometimes I just find myself thinking that I just don't want to miss a thing (sounds like a song, I know). I wish I could just record everything so even if it doesn't work out I know that once in my life I was this happy.

Seriously, I've turned into a real sap! Even I make myself sick! I'm really happy though so I guess it's all worth it.

So this is how it feels like to be in love. So this is what all the hype is about. I never thought that I would be a part of a conversation talking about trust and honesty and take it seriously. Problem is I'm the type of person that thinks that if it's too good to be true, it usually is. I never realized how sad it is to live a life of cynicism until I find myself wanting to believe yet worrying that it's all a lie.

He wants to bake me something this weekend..hmm..a marine biologist that plays rugby and bakes? Where in the world indeed??!

Today he told me that he loves me. Today we realized that we're not walking away. I am his for as long as he is mine...and he is mine for as long as I am his.

He calls them the 7 wonders of Isabelle...Where else will you find someone who calls your eccentricities and/or stupidity a wonder?

The one...

Sometimes, you may be wondering if your partner is the 'one' or not? The one that you will experience many life experiences with such as marriage, the honeymoon, kids, family life and old age.

Well, there are some ways that you can tell that your partner is your truly soul mate. If you care for him deeply and find yourself wondering he is indeed the 'one' then ask yourself the following questions:

1. Does he have admirable integrity?

2. Is he the kind of person who does what he says he was going to do?

3. Does he finish what he starts?

4. Do you respect him as a person and as a man?

5. Do you feel that he respects you as a person and a woman?

6. Does he actually treat you with respect?

7. Does he make you feel special?

8. Does he make you feel important that you are an important part of his life?

9. Does he respect your opinions and views?

10. Is he proud when introducing you to his family and friends?

11. Is he considerate of your feelings?

12. Does he do anything to help solving your problems?

13. Does he give you to feel comfortable and secure in the relationship?

So, if you've said yes to most of these questions, then you're very likely with Mr. Right. Because Mr. Right is someone that can be good friend, a respectful friend, but he also can make your heart beat a little faster and he wants to share his joy in what he does with you. If someone or something is hurting you, then he wants to make it better even when all they can do is listen to you vent. He just wants to do what he can to fix it.

Finally, if you're still on the same page, then you're very likely with Mr. Right now because Mr. Right is someone who is going to embody most of these qualities. But remember, the last and most important to judge whether he is your soul mate or not, is your own heart. If your intuition, your gut, and your inner wise woman says, "yes, this is the one." Then you've found Mr. Right.

Is he my Soulmate..or not?

Summary:
Defining the soul mate relationship as opposed to any other kind of relationship is not so hard once you understand what soul mates are all about. Relationship expert and author Dorothy Thompson, THE SOUL MATE QUEEN, tells you why.

Defining the soul mate relationship as opposed to any other kind of relationship is not so hard once you understand what soul mates are all about. So few people really know how to go about doing this, but it's not as difficult as it seems.

I had a client not too long ago tell me that she had been with a man for a long time and that she was positive she was totally in love with him-and not lust love-and that she didn't know how to tell if he was her soul mate and if he felt the same. She wanted to know how she could tell, which is one of the more common questions I hear.

"I'm in love, but is it the real thing?"

The real thing. Just what is the real thing and how can you tell?

First of all, if you are in love with someone, he/she is your soul mate, but just as there are varying degrees of love, there are varying kinds of soul mates. It sounded to me like in this woman's case, it was the companion soul mate to whom she was referring.

All companion soul mates, unless they choose not to for various reasons, involve intimacy on different levels. The other two kinds of soul mates-karmic soul mates and twin souls-rarely involve sexual relations. Hard to believe, but it's true.

As with all companion soul mates, these people come into your life for a particular reason. Is it for marriage? Is it to produce offspring?

Only you can determine that as the relationship gets further along, but one thing is for sure: he or she is meant to be a part of your life. No two soul mates come together without a purpose. That is how you can differentiate acquaintances you meet in your daily life from people with whom you share a soul mate bond.

If you are in love, you are in love. You feel it, it makes you happy and fulfilled and you want to spend the rest of your life with this person. A natural thing to happen to two people who are soul mates.

However, if further down the road, the two soul mates should part because of differences, that soul mate was still meant to come into your life.

When two people come together as soul mates, there is a purpose for them to do so; but when that purpose has been realized as well as finalized, the two may part but that is not because they weren't meant to be a part of each other's lives.

It is because their mission together on earth has been accomplished.

When this happens, the two begin to feel as if they are drifting apart and they have no idea what is going on. Their inner self is trying to tell them that there are other soul mates out there that they need in their life in order to be complete.

Yes, it may be sad for one or even both partners, but this is the nature of things, especially if you are just starting out in life.

You need to go through necessary steps in order to be complete and it may take one, or it may take several, soul mates to help you with this, but every last one of them that comes into your life are important, and necessary.

My advice is to: live, love, learn. Live to your highest expectations, love like there is no tomorrow and learn what each soul mate that enters into your life is meant to teach you about life, about yourself, and about why the two of you were brought together in the first place.

Once we learn to do this, we are that much closer to finding our higher self and on the road toward a productive and happy life.

This Time..

When's the right time to tell someone that you loved them? And how do you know for sure? All my life I've been in relationships that has been..for lack of a better term, superficial. This time I'm afraid it's different. This time I've got more to lose. This time I'm afraid. Alright, so I've never really been the commitment type but somehow I feel that I'm different. More mature perhaps? I don't know. I no longer want to play those stupid games as most people in relationships do. I don't want to get burned again.

Man, I must be getting old!

Last night, as you held me in your arms and as we danced under the stars, I felt peace.

Last night, I fell in love.

Courage

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.

Don't be afraid that your life will end,be afraid that it will never begin.

The Ugly Truth

"Men are completely unreliable…you think you know what men are gonna do, you think you know what men want to do. But when it comes right down to that moment where they actually need to step up and I don’t know, make a move, they chicken out. The big, strong, brave men that we’ve all been reading about in novels and watched in movies since we were nine years old, that’s a fallacy. They don’t exist. Men are not strong. Men are not brave. Men are afraid. Even if they have a moment in a hotel elevator and it’s totally romantic and full of potential. Men are incapable of copping to it because men are weak."

" In the pedestrian lane of relationships, are we chickens if we don't cross the road?"

Ugh!

I'm exhausted. This week has been physically, emotionally and mentally draining. I just want to get away from it all..maybe lock myself in my room and not come out for 3 days would do. Wish ko lang talaga. But as usual, gabundok nanaman ang trabaho ko and as usual procrastination nanaman ang drama ko. Langya talaga, hindi na talaga ako nagbago. So instead of getting some real work done, I decided to rearrange my bedroom and clean out my junk. Albeit it's 10 minutes to midnight, the genius in me decided that now is the right time to clean instead of going over that long overdue proposal.

Hay..style ko talaga minsan eh bulok.

Ewan

I never thought the day would come where I would actually find someone I would think of "that way" in this country. I swear. Sometimes I amaze myself at my stupidity. I guess that's what I get for not using my God-given brain whenever I open my mouth.

So yeah. I like him. I shouldn't. When I think about it, everything tells me not to do it. Don't go there. Don't do it. Pero ano magagawa ko? Matigas ulo ko eh. Hindi ako titigil hangga't hindi ako nauumpog. Yeah, it's that bad. And no, I'm not in love. Yet. Thank God for small favors huh? But what I am is bothered. For the first time I found someone who is sensible. A good thing knowing how impulsive I get. He's got a great sense of humor and he's smart enough to keep up with me. The best thing about him is how much he respects his family, his kid sister and most especially his mother. I see good things in him, things I know are hard to find nowadays. We've spent countless hours together just getting to know each other. And sometimes I think that there's something there. There are a lot of possibilities. Possibilities for problems too yes, but who cares when you know when you're happy. I've always been a firm believer that a person has the right to do whatever it is for you to find happiness, for you to find inner peace. That's something I never thought I would find here. I never thought I would find it all to be honest.

Pero ayun na nga. Ika nga ni Bob Ong, " Kahit gaano ka kabagal maglakad kung ayaw ka naman niya habulin eh hindi ka niya maabutan kahit na mag stop-over ka pa!"

He's asking me to be patient. To let him think things through. Ako patient? Kung hindi mo alam kung ano ako sayo eh ano pa ba ang hihintayin ko? Hihintayin ko pa ba na mauntog ka? Hindi ba dapat alam mo kung may kwenta yung tao? Kung trip mo ba o hindi? Bakit ka mag aaksaya ng panahon kung makikipag gaguhan ka rin lang? I don't know. Maybe because I feel like I'm too old for this crap. I just wish that he would be man enough to choose a side. To choose my side. I refuse to play this guessing game kung ano ba ako sayo. I refuse to chase you and ask for you to give me some of your time. Tapos na ako diyan. Pinag daanan ko na lahat yan. Sawa na ako diyan. Hindi na ako bata. So ayun, like a true coward I told him that we can just forget about it. I don't want this complication. Let's quit while we're ahead right? Before someone, before I get hurt. Ayoko na ng ganun eh. Hassle sa puso. Hassle sa mga taong nakapaligid sa akin. How can you say that we started something shaky? What's shaky about it? Yes, there are complications pero why do other people matter? I refuse to give anyone that power over me. Funny. Sabi mo I would probably bail out before you do. I guess you were right. Ewan ko ba. Duwag na siguro ako. I've been burned before and it sucks big time dude. It's not something I want to happen again. Been there, done that, not doing it again.

Hay buhay nga naman. Kung di ka ba naman nakakagago eh ewan ko na lang. Minsan kala mo sa akin umiikot mundo mo. Minsan naman kala mo ni hindi tayo magkakilala. Eh pucha! Parang kagabi lang eh magdamag tayo magkausap. Ganda pa kamo ng setting. Tapos today you say that you need to think things through? Ni hindi mo pa sasabihin kung hindi kita kinausap ng matino. Pucha daig mo pa ang babae eh. And siguro nga, I will never understand your culture. Maybe I will never understand how you really feel. Maybe I don't even have to, maybe we'll never even get there. But how will we know if we don't even try and give it a chance.

Ewan ko ba. Ano ba nanaman tong pinasok ko?!

"When you don't know what to do, don't do anything..."

Wanting

I finally got to go for a Red Cross First Aid Training. It was kinda cool since I've been wanting to go for the past few years but never really found the time to do so. My knees are bruised from kneeling over the dummy doing CPR. Obviously I'm don't kneel very often..lol! Anyway, that's what's been keeping me busy. That and a hundred other stuff for work.

It's a slow Sunday night tonight and I'm feeling kinda low. I miss home. I miss the Philippines. If I were home tonight I would probably be hanging out with a couple of my friends having a beer while listening to some band playing some sappy song. How I miss having a beer...I miss being able to let loose and not worry about a thing. I haven't been tipsy in ages, not even remotely. Sigh.. What a life...I miss my friends, even those who aren't really my friends. I just miss the connection. I miss Makati. I miss the smog and the traffic and the malls. I miss the noise. I miss the celphone networks! Being able to text and call cheaply. I miss the cinemas! I haven't seen a movie in ages. I miss Tagaytay. I miss Alabang. I miss the beaches of the Philippines. I miss my life.

Confession

I've often wondered what happened to us. I've often wondered if I made a mistake.

You see, there's something wrong with me. I never really stick around to fix it. Trust and loyalty come before anything else. Once that's been broken I usually don't think twice and just move on. It doesn't matter if you only have a few friends as long as they're the right kind of friends. So when it's time to let go, that's what I do. I let go. I walk away. It doesn't matter if you're a friend, boyfriend, best friend, even my father. Yes, my father. But that, is another story for another day.

Today it's about the childhood friend. Yes I know, usually you outgrow each other but we were different. I guess you could say we were kindred spirits. Until I realized she was human too. By then it was too late. My pride wouldn't allow me to look the other way and pretend everything was alright. So I walked away and threw away years of friendship.

A few years back I apologized. A few months ago we started talking again. It's so weird. I try to act as though nothing happened. As though everything's alright. But I often find myself thinking what if? What if she was still my friend? Talking to her now I see that she's changed. She's grown up and moved on. Why does it feel like I haven't? Was there even a point to my anger? And is this how regret feels?

Megalomania

The son-of-a-fucking-bitch has such delusions of grandeur that I am just amazed. The asshole is not even in our fucking org chart and he has the nerve to announce to people that I work for him?? Wow. Galing ha. Hanep! Sobrang bilib sa sarili, bow ako! I am not worthy! Leche! Wala, wala na ako masabi. Makarma ka nalang sana! Kung hindi pakukulam nalang talaga kita! You give gay men a bad name. And that's saying a lot!!

Moron!

Turns out that the day after friday the 13th is not my day. Yes, it's definitely not my day today. I don't understand why some people are just plain morons. Were they born that way? Is it a gift? Or is it something they learn from their mothers??

Tandang Sora

We had another serious talk with my boss today... Again he talked about wanting us to work together for the next 15 to 20 years if all works out.

I guess Spiderman's dad was right, with great power comes great responsibility...pero pucha, pano nalang ako mag aasawa niyan??! Nyemas!

m.o.m.o.l.

I learned a new term today...

MOMOL, as in "make out, make out lang."

Hahaha! I wish I could listen to magic 899 from here..sigh

This place is just so technologically retarded.

de-Tagged

Ok so I've been tagged by Hitori a long time ago and as much as I've been wanting to do it, it actually took me a 48 years to get it done. I'm telling you, procrastination will be my downfall. To be fair though, I'm in the middle of a two-week workshop so I'm extremely busy. But between preparing for my presentations and having tons of side-meetings, thinking of random things about myself has been at the back of mind. Although laos na tong tag na to, I actually found it quite intriguing since I've never really took the time to take note of my quirks.

So here goes.

1. Post these rules. 2. Post ten random facts/habits about yourself. 3. Choose ten people to tag and list their names.

10 Random Things About Me:

1. I don't like earphones. I don't like the feeling that I can't hear what's going on. It got worse after that incident at MIT, there was a shootout and some students didn't even know that people were dying. So needless to say, I've got an ipod with over 3,000 songs and I hardly ever get to use it unless it's on speakers.

2. I get turned off by inanities such as "poh," "eow," and "aq." I'm a firm believer that texting ruins your spelling and vocabulary which is why I take the time to spell the whole word. Even if it means I have to spend more time and money.

3. Chewing with matching slurps and sounds absolutely drives me up the wall. I just hate it. If you chew that way in front of me, it would take all my powers not to say something rude. Whenever it happens I try to tune the other person out but I still hate it. All my friends chew properly.

4. I have mood swings which are like fungal infection, the best way to aggravate it is by scratching it. It's better left ignored. It's not about you. If it is, the more you can't do anything about it.

5. I can't stand hypocrisy. I don't care about your genealogy, ethnicity, or your curriculum vitae. Intelligence and wealth are like underwear: if you have it, don't flaunt it. If you do, shame shame.

6. I am proudly independent. I only do things when I want to. I don't ask permission for my pleasures. I moved out the day I graduated and have vowed to myself to never move back in. Probably why my life revolves around work. And probably why I'm still single.

7. I knew I was independent as early as I can remember. When I was a kid, all my Barbie's had their own condo, car and they travelled the world. Ken, unfortunately was always a boyfriend and never a husband.

8. At work, I'm the only girl in a team of 10. Although I'm fiercely independent, secretly I like the fact I don't have to lift a finger when it comes to chores. Aside from being the only girl, I'm also the youngest.

9. I'm not exactly superstitious. But every New Year's Eve, you'll see me jumping up and down. I don't actually believe I will grow taller, but you never know. Who knows? I believe that anything's possible so maybe a few more years of jumping on New Year's Eve, my 5'5 frame will be 5'7. Hah!

10. I love to sleep. My bed is my zen, sleeping is my zen. Which is why a lot of effort is put into getting the right kind of sheets and making sure I have enough pillows and a comfy blanket. My bed is the only witness to my life. Goodness, if my bed could talk...hahaha!

So after a shouting match with the arrogant bi, I'm now trying to keep a low profile. I didn't really mean to get into a fight with him but as usual, the urge to defend (aka butt in!) won. I couldn't really just sit there and allow him to insult my friend right? Right!

I really hate it when people throw the phrase "you're being defensive"! I mean, really! Can't you come up with anything better to say? I guess their offense is their defense, or their defense is there offense. Hmm, whatever! The point is, I really feel bad for this dude. Being a certified true aquarian, I can say that I'm pretty good at empathizing. But still, it amazes me how most people have such low level of awareness. When you're an arrogant bastard, I'm sure there must be some indication pointing to the fact that you are an arrogant bastard. You can't just go through life acting like one and never realizing that the people surrounding you hates your guts!

"sometimes I just feel so lost..."

A Year Older, A day Wiser...

Yesterday I turned a year older..doesn't really feel different. Once in awhile I catch myself looking in the mirror checking for some wrinkles but other than that I still feel like I'm 25. And I say 25 because I know how foolish I was when I was 21. Today, I know I'm much wiser than I was yesterday although I know that there's so much more for me to learn and experience. Wisdom doesn't necessarily come with age you know...but I guess for now, I'll put my worries behind me and just enjoy my life.

Happy birthday to me.

Moron!

I did something horrendously stupid last night. I sent a text message while I was half a sleep and sent it to the wrong person. I swear I'm not one of those people, I don't recall ever having to say sorry wrong send! But last night was the worst first time ever! You see there's this two guys, let's call them A and B. I work with A, although I used to work for him now we're not so far apart in the organizations food chain. So he sent B to work with my team, whom I highly suspect is gay. It wouldn't have mattered but B is your typical know-it-all, obnoxious kiss-ass. I knew that B was sent to spy on us and to report anything A can use against us. The thing is, A and I are what you call frenemies. We're nice to each other because we both have our use but I never forget that he's a lying conniving son of a bitch. It's just how it is.

So anyway, he told me that B is bisexual and he's very adamant that B is not gay. Like there's a big difference right? Even if there was, I swear B is gay and not bi. So B actually works with this girl who works for me and last night she asked me about him. But she texted around 10 pm which makes it midnight here. So I woke up because of her txt. I decided to reply, but being in PNG I have to use my local phone to reply which is why i couldn't just press reply. The really really stupid thing that I did was I sent the message to A! Thank God I don't have the number of B!! But yeah, I texted A what was supposed to be a text for that girl. And I said, "B is bisexual daw. Pwede kay dodong pwede kay inday! haha" YES that's what I said!! Well, we secretly call B duday over here so I had to explain to this girl why we called him duday.

So there, needless to say that woke me up. Me and my big mouth! I'm not sure what I'm going to say to A when I see him later today. Now I know how people feel when they say they wished the ground would open up and just disappear!

Genius!

This is just absolutely hilarious! What can I say? Sex sells!

An Epiphany in the Shower

I was taking a shower when it dawned on me...I realized what I'm going to do next. As I've been contemplating what to do with my life, not knowing what to do next bothered me more than usual. Maybe because my birthday is just a couple of weeks away and I'm starting to feel the pressure of age being female and all. I'm just not sure what to aim for at this stage in my life. All my friends seem to aim to look for a man in their life. Some have succeeded and some have just turned desperate. I've also thought of buying my own place although I've never seriously considered it since I usually shy away from commitments. Yes even buying property takes commitment. I just never felt the need. But as I said, I was taking a shower when I realized that I should do it. I've never really had a home, neither has my mom and her mom. And having a home would not only make my mother and grandmother proud but I would also be fulfilling something that they never had. So there, I'm going to build a house.

Thank God for showers.

Events

I'm now back in weird country of Papua New Guinea. With more responsibilities, more problems and with more stresses albeit with more pay, I can't exactly say that I've got a happy state of mind. In just a few days, I need to make a presentation to the whole team and maybe a few government officials about the details of my job. Although I'm not the only one with this daunting task, I feel that I'm going to have to stand there and prove to my boss that I deserved that raise.

Having been here for almost two years now, I can finally say that I'm starting to feel more comfortable with my environment. I can't say that I've fully adjusted, and I don't think I'll ever adjust. Still, it's a good job with great pay and I like some of the people I work with. Keyword: some. But you wanna know a secret? Even with the great benefits and all the travel oppurtunities, I still have moments where I ask myself is this it? is it enough? and what next? I guess figuring out what you really want out of life is never easy.

*I'm going back to Tahiti*

I'm flying back to Manila in a couple of days, and let me tell you, despite the high of all the wonderful last minute shopping, I'm excited to get back to Manila. I was there for less than two days after being away for 3 months so I'm excited to visit my usual hang-outs and some of my close friends. Granted I only have 5 days and lots of work to finish before I head back to the "beautiful country" of Papua New Guinea, still, I can't wait to go to ATC and Greenbelt 3 again. A visit to the spa would be great too. Hah! Either way, I'm just glad that I'm over all the problems although I had a good time here in LA and maybe someday I'll get to visit again.

By the way, "I'm going back to tahiti" is this stupid song that I can't get out of my head!

Moments

Sometimes I get tired of being the grown-up, of doing the right thing. Sometimes I get tired of taking care of other people wondering when will someone take care of me for a change. Sometimes I get tired of understanding wondering when is it my turn to be understood. And yet, during those moments, I feel ashamed of feeling that way. I don't want to be selfish but still, I get tired and wonder when it will all end.

"Somebody tell me why I'm on my own, if there's a soulmate for everyone..."