Happy Halloween!

It's a holiday tomorrow! Happy happy joy joy.

Oh yes, sorry. It's all saints day. Still I'm glad I get to stay away from the office from hell. Even if I have to spend the whole day in the Cementary! (Though I admit, fish balls and kwek kweks? No contest!)

I'm spending halloween in my grandmother's house, I'm hoping I don't get nuerotic again and scare myself to death. I am going prepared though, I brought with me "Prison Break" and "Dark Angel". No more Haunting...or maybe just one show or two..

Spook-keh

One thing I like about the halloween season are the scary shows on TV. Now, I'm not really a horror buff. I just like watching those true stories on ghost sightings.

So that's basically how I spent my weekend. It was one scary show after the other. My fave is the one from Discovery channel "A Haunting". But I watched "Constantine", "Hell Boy", and that stupid alien movie. I also watched those shows on channel 7 and channel 2 on ghost sightings.

I spent the weekend in my Grandmothers house, where I've had a few ghostly experiences so it was probably not a good idea to watch all these spooky shows. But what can I say? I'm stubborn. And yes, stupid at times.

I watched so many scary shows I ended up not being able to sleep the whole night Saturday. I literally lay there forcing my eyes to stay open. I kept the lights on, the TV on, still I could swear that I could hear footsteps outside my door. I could hear every little creak. The only time I went to sleep was as soon as I saw the sun rising at 6am.

The thing is, looking back, I swear it was really stupid of me to let my over active imagination take over. But really, I would rather be awake and see a ghost than wake up to one. I don't think my heart could take it.

At Your Own Risk

A few nights ago, as my friends and I were walking home, we passed a man who was sitting on the steps of one of the residential buildings. He asked if any of us knew how to speak english, I think he was part american, he then went on to explain that his wallet got stolen and could we spare him a small amount of money just enough for his bus fare home.

I know, I know! Don't talk to strangers blah blah blah. I've been told that my whole life. But it's just difficult when someone is asking for help. I always have this inner dilemma as to whether I should help or not. I sometimes try to analyze if a person is telling the truth, I ask myself if I should just help anyway? If I do, am I just helping support their drug addiction?? But the thing is, I feel that if they realy do need help then at least I was able to help out even if it turns out to be a lie.

Needless to say, I probably do end up supporting theur drug addiction. What can I say? I have lapses, I can be as gullible as next person especially when I leave my brain at home!

I'm sure we've all heard this story before. Everywhere I go there are people with the same MO. But we fell for it. Hook, line and sinker.I think we all left hoping that the man was telling the truth. That we were able to help him somehow.

Anyway, I ran into the man again. He must've not recognized me since he gave me the same story.

I laughed. I guess the first thought in my head when I saw him was " oh shit, we got duped."

I felt kinda sad though as I thought about it more. I guess it kinda feels like he proved all that is wrong with this world. I felt that he also proved that some people will always take advantage of you no matter how good you are.

I haven't told my friends. I'm not ready. Maybe tomorrow..

Do you Work for a Psychopath?

It's confirmed. I work for a freaking psychopath. Run for your fuckin lives!!

http://www.doyouworkforapsychopath.co.uk/initial.php?id=q1

A psychopath. Great. Just freakin' great.

Lunacy

I took the bus to my friend's house yesterday. And though commuting has never been a problem for me, this was one of those times I swore something bad would happen.
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Getting off at a shady part of town was not a good idea especially when there were a group of thugs surrounding me. You should have heard the inner monologue I was having with myself. It went something like this:

You're going to get mugged! You're going to get mugged! You moron, you should have taken a cab! Shit, I should cross the street. What do I have in my bag? My celphone, my wallet. Fuck! The stuff, the pearls I have to send my mom. I can buy new ones. Shit, it would be a pain to buy a new celphone and shit, get new IDs with two freakin different names. No, you can do without those things. I hope I can get my sim card back. Maybe they'd just get the money and leave the wallet. Shit, I should have finished that course on self defense. I never finish what I start. Yes I do! Moron, there's five of them. Shit, this asshole is right behind me.

That's when I decided to jump in a cab and slap myself silly and get a grip. Yes, I too have an inner monologue. Yes, it's embarassing.

I didn't get mugged. But that was a really exhausting trip.

Questions

I've always been proud of the fact that I am not a materialistic person. I don't really own anything that would give me second thoughts should I decide to just pack up and leave. No car, no house, not even a subscription to my mobile phone service provider. Everything I have in my apartment, with the exception of my passport, I could leave within a moments notice. Of course, should you analyze things much closer, all this actually means is that I am not a big fan of commitment. Which is probably why commitment to me goes as far as my one year contract with my apartment and with my job. Both renewable of course but also could easily be terminated b either party.
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As my friend left this morning to meet the man she is going to marry in a couple of weeks , I can't help but wonder what it would be like should my time come. Would I make the same sacrifices? Can I make the commitment? Would I want kids? Would I be faithful? Would HE be faithful? Etc. etc. etc.
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I don't really think that I would end up alone, really, I feel that I am just too passionate a person for that. Yeah, maybe it will all just come naturally, but whenever I think about the fututre, or whenever I see women with 4 kids all under the age of 10 in tow, or whenever I see my aunt ruin her life for that cheating husband of hers, I can't help but think that life should be better than that. Like that song goes, there's gotta be more to life.
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No, I'm not a bitter person. I guess I've always been an old soul on young shoulders. But growing up, I was never the one playing mommy or princess. Playing with my Barbie dolls, they were always the ones who travelled to exotic places, had their own penthouse apartment, one car and one dog. (I don't really like cats and the stupid birds always died.) Probably why I moved out the day I graduated, I'm living out my Barbie's life. How twisted is that?!
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Oh well, this is probably one of those things that only time will tell. In the meantime, I'm just going to have to put up with my nuerotic self.

Achaan Chah

"Do everything with a mind that lets go.

Do not expect any praise or reward.

If you let go a little, you will have a little peace.

If you let go a lot, you will have a lot of peace.

If you let go completely, you will know complete peace and freedom.

Your struggles with the world

will have come to an end."

Callah Teh

I've been taking spanish lessons for the past couple of months now. Yes, this is probably the 3rd time I took this course since College. You would think that I'd be fluent by now but, pathetic person that I am, I'm now on my 3rd venture trying to master a new language. Don't get me wrong, it's not because I failed the other 2 times I tried it, but because I was just too lazy to pursue it.

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But I'm glad I'm doing it and that I'm taking it in Instituto Cervantes. Feels authentic. Like it's the real deal. I feel bad sometimes when I think about it though, like I wasted a lot of time. If I had just finished what I started back then I would be pretty fluent by now. Oh well.

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What really sucks is that I just realized that I'm the oldest person in the class. Even older than the substitute teacher last saturday. It was at that moment I felt the urge to lie about my age. It was then I understoood what the fuss was all about.

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Ridiculous. At 27 years old, I lie about my age. Shame!

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P.S. I told the truth.

Hola!

Yes, it has been awhile since I last posted. What can I say? Procrastination is what I do best. I don't have an internet connection at home so most of the time I just do it during office hours. Hah! Complaints? I say screw them!

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Anyway, it's just difficult for me since I usually get the urge to say something witty in the middle of the night then completely forget about it in the morning. I've tried to writing it down or saving it on my laptop but it's just not the same so I've decided not to bother.

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My best friend is leaving for the states in less than 48 hours and boy I am so jealous. I wish I was leaving too. Anywhere is fine, it doesn't even have to be the states. I'm that desperate.

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Yes, I got another memo. I must be breaking some record somewhere with the most number of memos from management. They must be getting a kick out of the migraines they give me.

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Ah whatever! They can go to hell for all I freaking care.

Pareskevidekatriaphobia

Try saying that 10 times.
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Why? Just to see if you're a dumbass like me who has nothing better to do with her time that's why.
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So what is "Pareskevidekatriaphobia"? It's actually the fear of friday the thirteenth. Derived from the fear of the number thirteen itself. And since today is friday the thirteenth I thought I should mention something about it. Click on the link just so you learn something new today.

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So if you're a superstitious fella then you might want to consider staying home today. I for one plan to stay home tonight, not because I'm a superstitious person but because I don't really have anything better to do. What I have is work. I know, pathetic! I swore I wouldn't take home any work, not if I work for that hairy ass bastard but old habits die hard.

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Anyway, that isn't the point of this post. The point is I decided to take the afternoon off yesterday afternoon just cause I got tired of seeing the ugly face (which looks like the devils hairy ass!) of my boss. (Wait, I have to puke!)

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Ok, so I watched the movie of Kevin Costner and Ashton Kuthcher called "The Guardian" about the US coast guard rescue swimmers. It's a bit cliched actually but I liked it. The only part that sucked was when one of them died. Wha? Huh? What the?! Yes, you twit I gave away the ending. Well, not really. You still have to guess which one of them actually dies. So I didn't really give it away.

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I like watching Discovery channel and once watched a documentary on the deadliest jobs on earth. They featured the crab fishermen of the Bering Sea and how they put their lives on the line just to make a living. Watching "The Guardian" focuses on the people who makes the rescue and nothing much about the fishermen but just seeing the Bering Sea makes the danger and the risks a bit more realistic.

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So if you're crab fisherman out on the Bering Sea on friday the thirteenth, I seriously would not want to be you.

A Complete Fucking Idiot Part 2

After my outburst yesterday one would think that I would be calm by now. Actually I'm not, but I'm handling it pretty well. I could've told him to his face to go fuck himself but I'm much better than that. I prefer to out-smart the other person and irritate him to hell then I tell him to go fuck himself.

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Hah! I wish!

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What do you do when your boss is a complete idiot? Do you kiss ass? Do you stick to your principles? Or do you just quit?

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Unfortunately, I decided to stick it out. I'd like to say that I get a kick out of seeing the bastard having such a hard time of firing me but, as much satisfaction as that brings me, I simply get tired of all the games after a while.

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The sad thing about it is that I put up with his kind of harassment just because I'm not ready to leave my comfort zone yet. I just keep telling myself soon. I'm getting myself out of this mess soon. Well, obviously it's not soon enough.

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I swear, if only murder were legal.

A Complete Fucking Idiot

Some people are just such fucking assholes. I swear, I wonder if they were born that way or if being a complete fucking idiot was something their stupid mothers taught them to be.

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To each his own man. I'm a big believer in all that crap. One must do what one must do in order to be happy. Hey I'm an aquarian so more power to free will. But when idiocy takes over, and your compulsion to make people feel inferior then Fuck you!

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The thing is, I also believe in Karma. So for now, aside from giveing that complete fucking idiot the evil eye, I am simply letting karma take its course. I am focusing all my energy so it affects his family and his only child. May she suffer three times as much as how her moron of a father make other people suffer.

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What can I say? Cross me and I'm a bitch. He more than deserves it.

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Too bad I work for the fucker.

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Fuck this life!

So Sick

I've been feeling really sick lately. Sick in the sense of illness and not disgust ok? So I haven't really been up to updating my blog. It's just so stupid. My cough lasted for more than a month and I finally just got rid of it a couple of weeks ago and here I am again with a bad cold. No amount of Vitamin C or PPA seems to work. Also, I almost ended up in the emergency room the other weekend if not for my stubborness. I'm just hoping that it's just the weather or something like that since that is all the hypochondriac in me could handle.

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I keep thinking of this episode on Grey's anatomy where this girl goes in for her routine check up and finds out that she has some kind of cancer and only has a few weeks to live.

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So I took some test to find out my inner hypochondriac and here are the results:

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I scored a 50 out of 100.

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You appear to have some signs of hypochondriac, but not to any extreme point. You worry about unusual symptoms a bit more than the average person, and occasionally blow normal aches and pains out of proportion. It may be necessary to keep a close watch on our health and make the effort to stay "in touch" with our own bodies, but it shouldn't be something that causes major anxiety. You may want to keep your hypochondriac tendencies in check so they don't get the best of you.

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Note: If you really do have some health problems, obviously, none of the above applies.

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Yeah, the note says it all.

Our Deepest Fear

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,

gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking

so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine, as children do.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously

give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear,

our presence automatically liberates others.”

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A Return to Love - by Marianne Williamson

Sam and the Perfect World

This is the winning portrait at the Outwin Boochever 2006 Portrait Competition held by the Smithsonian in Washington DC.

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Artist Statement

My wife Rosemarie had just given birth to our son Sam, and although he appeared perfectly healthy, something, nevertheless, didn't seem right. There was an awkward silence in the room, no words of congratulation or comments about how cute he was – even though he was cute. Five minutes later the diagnosis was given: Sam has Down Syndrome. "Are you going to keep him?" a nurse asked. Later that evening someone else came by to "console" us. "It's every mother's worst nightmare," she said.

Welcome to the world, Sam.

In America today, perfection is highly valued. We dump loads of chemicals on our lawns to try and get rid of every weed, every dandelion. Models and supermodels are tall, impossibly fit, their clothes stylish and wrinkle-free. Images like this tend to change our perceptions, our ideals, until finally they leave us looking around at the peeling paint on our own houses, and our less than fit bodies, and it leaves us wanting.

Perfection, I would submit, is overrated. And besides, I like dandelions.

In the painting Sam assumes the role of presenter, host, even tutor, of this most revealing examination of the civilization man has made for himself. Sam is not society's accepted definition of perfection. In spite of that, or perhaps because of that, he really does have an important message for everyone to hear.