I've always been proud of the fact that I am not a materialistic person. I don't really own anything that would give me second thoughts should I decide to just pack up and leave. No car, no house, not even a subscription to my mobile phone service provider. Everything I have in my apartment, with the exception of my passport, I could leave within a moments notice. Of course, should you analyze things much closer, all this actually means is that I am not a big fan of commitment. Which is probably why commitment to me goes as far as my one year contract with my apartment and with my job. Both renewable of course but also could easily be terminated b either party.
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As my friend left this morning to meet the man she is going to marry in a couple of weeks , I can't help but wonder what it would be like should my time come. Would I make the same sacrifices? Can I make the commitment? Would I want kids? Would I be faithful? Would HE be faithful? Etc. etc. etc.
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I don't really think that I would end up alone, really, I feel that I am just too passionate a person for that. Yeah, maybe it will all just come naturally, but whenever I think about the fututre, or whenever I see women with 4 kids all under the age of 10 in tow, or whenever I see my aunt ruin her life for that cheating husband of hers, I can't help but think that life should be better than that. Like that song goes, there's gotta be more to life.
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No, I'm not a bitter person. I guess I've always been an old soul on young shoulders. But growing up, I was never the one playing mommy or princess. Playing with my Barbie dolls, they were always the ones who travelled to exotic places, had their own penthouse apartment, one car and one dog. (I don't really like cats and the stupid birds always died.) Probably why I moved out the day I graduated, I'm living out my Barbie's life. How twisted is that?!
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Oh well, this is probably one of those things that only time will tell. In the meantime, I'm just going to have to put up with my nuerotic self.
.
As my friend left this morning to meet the man she is going to marry in a couple of weeks , I can't help but wonder what it would be like should my time come. Would I make the same sacrifices? Can I make the commitment? Would I want kids? Would I be faithful? Would HE be faithful? Etc. etc. etc.
.
I don't really think that I would end up alone, really, I feel that I am just too passionate a person for that. Yeah, maybe it will all just come naturally, but whenever I think about the fututre, or whenever I see women with 4 kids all under the age of 10 in tow, or whenever I see my aunt ruin her life for that cheating husband of hers, I can't help but think that life should be better than that. Like that song goes, there's gotta be more to life.
.
No, I'm not a bitter person. I guess I've always been an old soul on young shoulders. But growing up, I was never the one playing mommy or princess. Playing with my Barbie dolls, they were always the ones who travelled to exotic places, had their own penthouse apartment, one car and one dog. (I don't really like cats and the stupid birds always died.) Probably why I moved out the day I graduated, I'm living out my Barbie's life. How twisted is that?!
.
Oh well, this is probably one of those things that only time will tell. In the meantime, I'm just going to have to put up with my nuerotic self.
2 comments:
The commitment issues...I can relate to. Amen.
Playing Global Barbie decades before they came up with the idea that not all Barbies were made to be housewives...PRICELESS.
I like your strength of character. You rock Lost Soul.
Aww shucks..thanks hitori!
You made my day! :)
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